Sorry for my lack of blogposts! I've been quite busy over the past week or so!
My endometriosis had been raging like a forest fire and I've been suffering I tell you! I'm feeling a little better though and wanted to write a post about Endometriosis/PCOS and the effects of having these diseases on the people who are closest to us.
Anyone suffering from Endometriosis/Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome/Any chronic illness knows how much of a daily struggle it can be to handle these terrible diseases and to handle the life changing symptoms. It's often incredibly hard to process how difficult these can make our lives that once were normal or simple.
I often find myself remembering back to a time when Endo didn't dominate my life. When pain was manageable, I had plenty of friends and my relationships and bond with my family was stronger than ever. I remember being able to go out everyday, do normal things and not feel exhausted. We are obviously completely, almost totally dominated by these diseases but what effect do they have on those around us?
Friendships.
I'd always noticed that there are 2 types of friends, friends who care on the surface- that want to have someone to spend time with and go out with, who only care if you're available and barely acknowledge nevermind understand what you're going through and the friends who genuinely care but aren't quite sure how to be supportive or what to do or say.
Over the years I'd like to say I have had lots of friends, some closer than others. Many have dwindled out like a fire, most are now strangers- strangers who are completely estranged to me due to the change in my living habits because of my health.
Having these chronic illnesses restricts you in terms of friendships. You find yourself having to cancel most plans-if you managed to find a break from the pain to make any, but they can't understand why. It's so easy for someone who has never experienced constant virtually unrelenting pain to not understand how difficult the simplest of task become. Getting out of bed, getting dressed- finding something that fits you (bloating prevents most of my outfit choices on a daily basis) , managing your pain, washing/showering, even eating and getting about physically. Some days are better than others but for those bad days you simply cannot go out/get out of bed and you need rest. Its not always easy for people to accept this and to recognise that it's not a reflection of them- that you don't want to not be able to stick to plans- but that you're just too sick and in pain to go anywhere. If you know a friend who suffers from any chronic condition then I can tell you that it would mean the absolute world to that person if you made plans with them that meant they didn't have to go out publicly. You old suggest a movie night or day, baking, cooking, watching TV shows, Netflix, gaming. Anything- even just popping round for a chat and to see how they are. Just because they may not be able to 100% function outdoors it doesn't mean you can't still spend enjoyable time together!
Relationships
Relationships are pretty similar to friendships in the concept that it is very difficult for the none-sufferer to understand where the sufferer is coming from. Endometriosis, bladder and bowel complications, Chronic fatigue and constant pain is bound to not only take a physical toll but also a huge mental toll. Often with these conditions comes anxiety, stress and depression which can often make things much more complicated. Simple and natural things like intimacy become chaotic, anxious and painful events. What you must bear in mind is that it is completely out of our control. We wish we were able to do normal things like normal couples but that doesn't always mean it will be the case. Sex can become too painful, making you feel anxious and depressed and frustrated. We understand that it must be incredibly difficult for a partner of someone with chronic illnesses and we're more than aware that it can have a huge impact on you. Just know that we are trying with every fibre of our beings to do whatever we can to remain intimate- despite pain and anxiety. Again- the best way to deal with situations like this is to remember that it is not a reflection upon you but of ourselves and the way our bodies work. We feel frustrated and sad too. If sexual intimacy isn't possible, it's always an idea to suggest something else- a romantic movie night, massage, cooking for each other or simply cuddling up on the sofa or in bed. We're doing the best we can with what we've been dealt, it doesn't mean we don't love you and it certainly doesn't mean that we aren't interested in you sexually. It's just tricky. Be patient and try to be as supportive as possible. Make sure not to inforce a feeling of guilt upon your partner. Often we can end up feeling guilty, as though we are burdens because we cannot function normally all of the time. Bear with us! We're a bumpy ride but we're worth it. (Because we're tough fierce amazing bitches).
Family
As I've mentioned before, I've always found the effect upon my family has been fairly mixed. Some don't understand the disease whatsoever, choosing to virtually not recognise it- which is understandable. And others can be sceptical about the symptoms of the disease in general. I've always felt that my family think I'm being overly dramatic when I try to explain how it all feels. I know it's not their fault and I understand they are hard things to understand. Due to the nature of the illnesses and how personal they can be, it's hard to feel comfortable to tell people about them and it can also be equally as hard for people to ask or talk to you about it. My main advice if you are the family member of someone with a chronic illness is to be sympathetic. It's often very difficult for someone to explain how much pain and discomfort the are in. They look to you for their main source of support. Be patient and try to be empathetic, as I've said before, it's hard to appreciate just how much pain they may be in and how much of a daily struggle they have to keep up with normal life.
Having someone in your life who suffers from these conditions should not be a negative thing. I can understand that some people simply CANNOT understand, and that's okay too. These diseases are complicated. They come with several symptoms and the effect on the sufferer can be profound. Often it can completely change the way a person is. It doesn't mean that they don't love or care for you, it's just that they are trying very hard to deal with their own mental and physical issues. Please try to be a supportive as you can. It's okay to ask us questions, take the time to read up about the conditions- learn as much as you can, be gentle and kind- just because you haven't experienced something doesn't mean it doesn't exist or isn't happening to someone.
We understand that you too are affected. It's all about supporting each other. No one should have to suffer alone.
Hope everyone is having a pain free day!
Sending lots of love, always.
The Endo Artist.
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