Afternoon guys!

I'd firstly like to say thankyou to anyone who has taken the time to read my ramblings! It means alot to me! so thankyou! :) 

First of all....

 

So, today I wanted to talk about the prospect of INFERTILITYand the impact that this has on pcos and Endometriosis sufferers!

I think as women, from an early age we get it drilled into us that it's a womans job at a stage later in life, to settle down and have children. But what happens if that's not an option? What happens if our own body's deprive us of the reason we're here for, to pro-create?

I think if you had asked me what I thought about infertility a few years ago, i'd probably of just burst into tears. Whilst i've never really had an averwhleming maternal feeling, i'd always wanted to have the whole she-bang when I grew up.  As i've gotten older, and seen friends and family start families of their own, I'd started to get broody in a sense- I think to an extent were programmed to want to do that. Sometimes I feel jealous almost and overcome with greif at the prospect of not being able to have a family of my own. I can't imagine anything worse in all honesty, in old age to have no-one around you, no-one to take care of and share your life with and to love, outside of a romantic relationship.

When I was diagnosed with PCOS I knew the odds were against me and knew that many women with this condition struggle to concieve naturally, if it all. And so it was a fat pill I swallowed bitterly. So when I was hit with my endo diagnosis i'd pretty much given up on the idea of having my own children. Deep down inside me, I feel that for some reason it will just never happen for me. I guess my thoughts vary depending on the sort of mood I'm in. I'm 24 years old now, and many if not most of my friends have really started to settle down and have children and it's something I think about often. There has been times- mishaps where I've thought that I may be pregnant and I've done a pregnancy test with my heart in my mouth the entire time, totally with fear but I always find myself feeling dissapointed for some reason when it comes back negative- why is that? Is it just because I potentially can't have something and so I want it more? I dont know. I know many women go on to have children with both endometriosis and pcos, and for anyone out there who has, I am literally over the moon with happiness for you and I think it's an absolutely amazing miracle for every little baby that defies the odds! But for some terrible reason I have the fear that my body won't let me, that it will as ever, betray me in being normal and the way it should be.

Although i'm not yet at the position where I can actively try for a child, it is something that I will aim for in the next few years (I don't want to be a super old mum!) And who knows, maybe i'll be lucky? Although I know most of the heartache is in the trying, and failing and that's something I DREAD.

Really, they're just my innner thoughts about it in general. I know that medicine out there and services such as IVF are brilliant at helping so many couples worldwide to have a baby. I've thought long and hard about adoption, but think that would be a last resort for me personally, but appreciate that it's an amazing oppourtunity for couples to have a family.

I'm sure many of you ladies have similar thoughts and feelings about this. It's sadly a terrible part of the livingwithendo package.


Maybe in a few years I'll be eating my words!

Sending lots of love and support to all of my endosisters and polycysters!
You're all amazingly tough and strong!

Feel free to contact me on my email @ avelvetcrowbar@gmail.com
if ever you would like to speak to someone like me!

Alternatively i'd recommend the website www.healthunlocked.com  as it's an amazing group/forum based website for all illnesses and problems but there's a fantastic support network on the endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome groups. There's such comfort in sharing your worry's, thoughts and questions with others who really understand.

Thanks again for listening and watch this space for another post! I'm going to be posting about my artwork and the work that I do, so you guys can see how I channel my negativity into something positive, i'll also be reviewing and posting tips from a book called ;'Take Control of Your Endometriosis' by Henrietta Norton.

Until then!

Love,

The Endo Artist
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