Down....

So, I was going to do a post on the book "how to take control of your endometriosis" but my book has sadly been misplaced by my partner so that will have to wait until another day when he can find it for me!

So, this isn't going to be a very helpful or interesting post, it's really just a post of how i'm feeling at the moment.

 I've been feeling pretty down in all honesty about alot of things, my health being one of them. I literally cannot go to the toilet on either level without having lots of complications and pain and my Endometriosis is at an all time high. As some of you may or may not know, i've recently been caring for my grandad, who has had his left lung removed completely in order to remove cancer. So i've been staying over at his and spending most of my time with him, making sure he's okay, helping him with meds, cooking him food, cleaning up and helping him to bed and such. He's my priority right now so I don't really have a moment to overly worry about myself.

I've been experiencing absolutely mind numbing sharp pelvic pain which not only brings me to to tears, but makes me double over in pain and I can hardly breathe until it passes. I've been taking tramadol and also amitriptyline but it doesnt overly seem to help. I can hardly keep my eyes open and I am so tired I feel like I could nap for weeks. I'm currently in my summer "break" from university and whilst i've done the odd bit of part time work (as a photo editor and photographers assistant) for my boss, i've not really had the time or the energy to do much else.

I've also recently had a new little addition to my family, Sidney. A 10 week old Labrador-Border Collie cross who is a little monster. He's absolutely beautiful- but hard bloody work!

Feeling sick to death of people around me saying "well, i've had to WORK" as though being a student with a chronic illness whilst juggling several other commitments is a right laugh.
I may not work full time but that doesn't mean that I put in as much effort to get through my daily challenges. I can't stress this enough to people....

BEING UNWELL AND HAVING A CHRONIC ILLNESS DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE LAZY. 

Not that it doesn't stop most people from either saying or implying that.
Healthy people have zero idea what it's like to feel like youve been hit by a bus on a daily basis and like you could sleep for a month and feeling absolutely miserable constantly because you have no control over it.

Sometimes I wonder how I would be treated if my illness wasn't invisible. What if all of my disease was visible and you could see all of my scars, adhesions and wounds on the outside? I'm pretty certain people would react in a completelt different way.

I'm tired because my body is working twice as hard to heal itself. To heal wounds that it's making itself. Its a constant vicious circle of the disease and my body trying to heal which goes on and on. I don't just feel tired. I feel exhausted.

Why can't anyone understand this?!

My depression and low moods are also at an all time high and I feel I could cry for days on end and sometimes I feel I have absolutely no-one to turn to and 80% of the time I don't.
But what's the point?

In summary, I feel a fucking mess.

I'll be posting tomorrow hopefully with some of the best facts and topics covered in the "how to take control of your endometriosis" which is such a brilliant and helpful book! I highly recommend you go and read it or buy it or whatever!

I'll also be doing a post full of my art and why i do what i do!

Anyway, hoping everyone else is feeling better than I am.
Sending lots of love.

Love,

The Endo Artist.

x